"Not Half of Anything" - Painting and Statement by Brittany Gilliam

Tender by Brittany Gilliam

This pain-ting has colors of sadness, grief, turmoil, denial, doubt and rage, while at once, has colors of Love, hope, excitement, unity, acceptance, liberation and truth…

I’m Biracial, black and white. I am made up of two races, but I choose to not keep these races separate inside me. I am not half of anything but wholly myself. I was made from the Love and Unity of a black man and a white woman, and I am proud to be from both! 

Growing up I had a different narrative. Being mixed contributed to an identity crisis and an internal war inside me. I carry the DNA of both the oppressed and the oppressors in my body. Early on, I learned how to speak the languages of two worlds but was never embraced by either. I was too black for the white community and too white for the black community. I am linked to and responsible for both sides of my ancestors history, but am not given space to speak for either. 

I’ve seen this inner turmoil play out in real time in the last few weeks, bringing up buried memories. I’ve relived the times I experienced racism, discrimination, racial slurs and also relived memories of my light skin privilege allowing me access to spaces, people, education & jobs. 

I know that I will never understand what it is to be a dark-skinned woman or even a white woman in America, but my experiences and shades of identity are ALL valid and true. I will make space to use my voice, art, and contribute to daily actions to fight for anti-racism and to be a bridge between the two worlds that I know and Love.  

This paint-ing was a release of emotions and triggers. It became an outlet to process and give me a voice. It holds my perspective of humanity embracing change together and speaks the story of love, acceptance, justice and equality. A story of embracing the opportunity to do better. 

“You have to get over the fear of facing the worst in yourself. You should instead fear unexamined racism. Fear the thought that right now, you could be contributing to the oppression of others and you don't know it. But do not fear those who bring that oppression to light. Do not fear the opportunity to do better.” 

- By Ijeoma Oluo 

I highly recommend reading her book “So You want to Talk about Race”