Recognition - A Poem by Katie Rose Caalaman
dear reader
you see, there’s something that confuses me.
do people realize
that diversity is not just black and white, rich and poor, tall and short?
i think people forget about everything in-between.
What is everything in-between?
my classmates say my school is diverse, “yes, we have african-american students in our student body,”
what about me?
the asian twins?
the indian-chinese boy?
i can count the biracial students of my grade on one hand.
i - being one of them am not recognized as one of the “diverse” students.
is it because of my lighter skin? you see, i guess that makes it ok to assume i’m just white.
it isn’t dark enough, so i have to justify my ethnicity to you because you don’t believe me.
i’ve been asked if it was a joke. if i was joking about my race.
for my irish family, i am ethnic and exotic looking.
my mom tells me how my aunt loves my round face, she thinks i resemble my dad more than her sister-in-law.
personally, i don’t see it.
photos show golden hair and sky eyes,
AND chocolate hair with piercing hazel eyes.
… the difference is hardly noticeable ...
for my filipina family, well i don’t talk to them that much
i can’t help but think its because they are the typical reserved filipina family.
still following the strict filipina culture and rules.
my father cannot vouch for us anymore
maybe it’s because my father disgraced them
by marrying the white woman i proudly call my mother.
a white woman that he loved so dearly.
it didn’t matter to him what color her skin was.
it only mattered that he loved her.
i’ve always struggled “to find people like me.”
i mean biracial souls.
i mean pacific islanders.
i mean hapas.
i mean people who don’t know what category to check on applications.
i mean confused selves.
i have a friend who is biracial
she is ashamed of her latina curves and claims she is too white looking.
she compares the color our skin is stained.
her voice softly says “but you’re darker than me.”
i don’t understand why this matters, we are both still biracial.
WE ARE NOT RECOGNIZED
the world has made us conscious of what we call ourselves.
in her mind, she’s mestiza, but when people ask, white always comes first.
i’ve labeled myself as hapa,
hap·a
/ˈhäpə,ˈhapə/
noun
a person who is partially of asian or pacific islander descent.
nobody ever knows that term.
some people say wasian,
politically, that is argued to be incorrect.
so here’s another question;
are the philipine islands part of asia?
google says;
Philippines
COUNTRY IN ASIA
why does the world have to define who i am? what i am.
why do i have to be so confused?
i’m quite scared.
scared that i will always be confused.
IS THAT A BAD THING?
Do you understand?
Sincerely,
Your confused friend,
Katie Rose