"Your Uniqueness is Your Power", An Interview With Founder Shakarya Stern

Edited for Clarity

Interviewed by Addison Lee 

Addison Lee: Hi, can you introduce yourself and tell us a little bit about your organization?

Shakayra Stern: I'm Shakayra Stern and I founded the Mixed Girl Meet Up. So this year it's still very young but the idea came about from a personal frustration that there was no outlet that we mixed people had where we could just be our full unapologetic full selves without having to adjust our truth just to fit in. I started the Mixed Girl Meetup in January on a whim, I didn't think it would actually take off. It started as a small group offline and has now become an international on and offline platform where we celebrate the mixed identity but also the mixed experience. I am building a platform that is nonjudgmental, encouraging and empowering. What I really want is for people to celebrate being in between those two cultures, ethnicities or nationalities. I am really pushing that we have to be proud of who we are and no longer should have to adjust to a box that society gives us.

Most of us have heard the phrase “No you've got to choose, choose one” over and over again. But why do I have to choose one? Because every time I go to one of the sides I'm being told I'm not that side. So if we're in the middle already, let's explore this middle, let's explore the gray area and our inbetweenship. And we have to really realize is that there is power in our voice. If you're a mixed creator you have the power and opportunity to really make people understand what the mixed experience is. And it's important that we share it.

 AL: Mixed Life recently went to the UCLA Mixed Heritage Conference, where a conversation around masculinity and the mixed experience arose, can you speak at all to that and in how you chose to make a mixed girl meet up specifically?

S: I may have to go into a more of a female male difference, where I found that as women in general, we're more in touch with our emotions and we're happier to speak about our feelings and worries that we have in the public space whereas men and even boys are taught to not really show emotion. They're not taught to kind of speak about things that they may have gone through. There are of course exceptions and that is an avenue I definitely want to explore as the male mixed experience will certainly vary to the female one but for now I am keeping it female only to preserve the emotional safety net I have provided with this monthly meetup and online platform.

AL: How can you speak at all about where you think the mixed community is going in the future?

S : I think now is a really good time because it’s almost become like a wildfire. There are a few platforms that I've already come across that are really addressing the mixed experience but in their own creative and really unique ways and I am so happy about that. It's become less of a taboo subject to say "OK well actually I'm mixed or this person is mixed" you know? And that is major. It is certainly becoming more popular but I wouldn't say it's yet fully accepted. So I think now we're in a stage where we're educating people, we're telling people “Look, this is actually the experience that we have, not some pre construed idea that you had from the media or ancient tales!” The other mixed heritage platforms and myself are building a bridge, because that’s what this is about. It’s not about us secluding ourselves, it's about learning to understand how we can build a bridge with people of other backgrounds but also how we cannot feel left out. That's paramount to a well functioning society.

AL: Definitely. What advice do you have for mixed creators/professionals?

S: I would say don't be defined by stereotypes that people or society give you because it's very easy to fall into that mixed narrative that people give you. Right now, and it sounds bad, we're sometimes being used as a more palatable black person. You see that a lot in commercials now, where all of a sudden you have loads of mixed people and think wow we sure are out there and that in itself is amazing because growing up there was no representation of us at all so that is a huge step.

 But when you dig deeper and speak to people one on one, some unfortunately still have the same tired old stereotypes of us or do not understand that representation stretches further than just a commercial on TV. We, just as any other ethnicity, just want to be seen as and equal, with no preconceptions; our beauty should not be fetish or convenience or a ticked box and that is exactly why it is important to educate wherever you can, may it be on-or offline.

If you're a mixed creator, always be aware of the voice you have and teach people about the mixed experience and what it means to have two identities and cultures you carry within you. Telling others about your mixed experience is also incredibly healing because any internalized struggle you may have had finding your identity, now has an outlet. How you lay that out is entirely up to you. I chose a Meetup because I love connecting with people in person but you may have incredible art skills, then that would be your avenue.

AL: Yes, one hundred percent yes. What is your personal relationship with your mixed identity?

S: Well it's a very long story but I'm going to try and make it compact. It was a long journey to get to where I am today. I never thought I would be some type of mixed people ambassador because when I was growing up, I didn't really know who I was and I was nowhere near as confident as I am today. I was always seen as the outsider and very shy. I grew up in Vienna,Austria and despite it being the capital of the country, there were no black or mixed people when I was a kid. My mom was the only black person I knew and one TV talk show host called Arabella Kiesbauer who, because of being black, received threats on a regular basis. I was bullied at school for having curly hair and my nose being broad. There were many days where I came home crying and wondering when I am going to fit in. There was no one that was like me and that made me question myself all the time.

All this depicted a bleak picture for me but my mom never stopped instilling confidence and teaching me positive affirmations and self confidence. She really taught me what it means to love every single ounce of me and appreciate all my black features. She made me understand that your uniqueness is your power. I now truly believe that I almost needed those bad experiences to grow into my confidence and prepare me for what I am doing now. I do believe you need at least one positive role model in your life in order to really excel. For me it was my mother, who despite being the only black female teacher in all of Vienna (at the time she moved there) never ever let anyone define her through her skin color and that is what certainly rubbed off on me. Your uniqueness is what sets you apart from everyone else in this world. The fact we can float between two or more ethnicities/cultures or nationalities is actually magical. That is our superpower. Anyone who does not recognize that is not worth our time or energy.

 Representation is also extremely important. When I was growing up, I was desperately seeking girls that looked like me and the only person I can remember seeing on TV that was like me was Mariah Carey and that really helped me cushion my belief that you can be mixed and still be successful. The power of being able to relate to someone is priceless. This is exactly why I created the Mixed Girl Meetup.

To us mixed creators it may seem to us that we're doing something that may not be big, but to one person somewhere, sitting there in their bedroom and they're mixed as well and seeing someone that looks like them is very powerful and reassuring.  It gives you hope and a reassurance that you aren’t alone. I wish I would have had that when I was growing up and this is one of the reasons why I chose to start that Mixed Girl Meet Up because I was tired of it always being " Oh I'm going to go to a Latino event now, I'm going to go to this black event now but I am still not with people who are exactly like me; I do not feel like I have a place where I just belong".

 A lady at my event said this is about finding our tribe and I could not agree any more. I think the whole journey I've been on has been a full circle journey of finding the sisters I never had, self acceptance and shouting loud and proud “Yes I am mixed and this is my identity and I will no longer tolerate anyone who does not accept that”. And I'm going to explore it with whoever is mixed in the world and make them celebrate it.

AL: What's the one thing you learned through creating and attending these events.

S: So the one thing I've learned is that actually no matter what your mix, is we all have a collective experience.

There are parallels in our experiences worldwide. It doesn't matter if you're half black and white, if you are half European and Korean or whatever mix you have, we all have this ongoing battle in in us that we are in the middle of two cultures or two ethnicities that we both love but we cannot choose.

At each meetup I hold I have a kind of inspirational talk at the end where I ensure that people go away feeling empowered and encouraged and celebrate who they are, not just at my event but on a daily basis, because that will trickle down into every single experience you have in your life and everything you will attract will change because you are walking in a different type of confidence and that's what I want people to get from this. And I hope it comes across online too. But I think you have to really be there at the event in person to see for yourself. We have had anything from laughter to jokes, to tears and revelations where we all ended up giving each other hugs because our discussions evoked so much emotion.

 AL: What are some challenges that you've experienced in creating the Mixed Girl Meet Up?

 S: Some challenges are that some people just say "Why do you need to do this?" “Is it actually necessary? You mixed girls have it easy.” I think this is a really big misconception because we have our own struggles as well. It may not be the same as a black female or a black male even, but we still have our own struggles. I have learnt in life that it is never good to dim your light for anyone. Be as passionate and authentic as you can always, and never be afraid to speak your truth.

We people of mixed heritage have our own truth and it is pivotal it is voiced. We can't just whisper about it in our bedrooms or amongst our friends who in many instances may not even get it. If we want the world to change we have to start with ourselves and what we share with the world.

I feel it's also important from a mental health point of view because having an outlet can be a life saver for some sometimes. All the frustration I had of feeling alone or like no one ever really understood when I spoke about my life experiences as a mixed girl literally melted away once I started the Mixed Girl Meet Up. It really created a circle of sisterhood, our very own community, warmth and support from people that are just like me and that was well needed. It took me five attempts until I actually started this as I was worried people would not get it, but I am so happy I just went for it.